veganskater’s blog

Only a little....I dunno. 

Only a little....I dunno. 

Having just watched "The Secret" last night for the first time, I am inspired to compose my gratitude list.

I am certain this will be a work in progress.....

In no particular order....

I am grateful for my immune system!  I sure have abused it over the years. No drugs or seriously risky sex; but way too much stress, coffee, and foregoing sleep.  I think stress is the worst offender.  Every time I stress out, my immune system has taken a big hit. Yet, every time an invader launches into my body, my immune system comes along and whacks away at it until eventually, it's gone.  It's faithful and patient with me despite my past abuses. Currently, I am mounting a campaign to strengthen it even more.

Along those lines, I'm very grateful to my entire body.  I'm tall (five-nine), very strong, athletic, with long legs and a gorgeous figure. I can pick up a 150-lb man and walk around with him.  I can skate a marathon and generally keep going for hours.  Like my immune system, my body is very patient and forgiving; it responds really well to any attempts to nurture or heal it.  It has even stayed with me, completely faithful, during the times when I have hated it for its attempts to protect me and preserve life (e.g., the little extra roll around my waist, a storage site for extra survival fuel due to my tendency to constantly run on adrenaline). I am currently on a campaign to rest my body and catch up on any nutrient deficiencies I may have accumulated.

I am grateful to my friend Rod, who pulled me into the group private practice where I now work. I'm grateful that I am establishing myself in a profession I love. I'm grateful that I have been able to stay afloat for the past nine months without working full time (yet). I'm grateful that my clients come to see me, entrust me with their most sensitive issues, and pay me for it.  I'm grateful that these generally awesome, wonderful people (my clients) are in my life.  I'm very grateful that my office is but a short (and beautiful) walk from my house. 

I'm very grateful to Burning Man and its entire community. There, I have been welcomed and accepted as never before.  Folks in this community, by and large, tend to accept and love people for who they are, instead of consciously or unconsciously demanding that we fit neatly into a figurative box.  I've never fit into a box.  It's only been in the last year or so that I've begun to enjoy the not fitting.  For boxes are by nature restrictive; and those who dare to live outside of society's conventions find freedom. Including the freedom to participate in those conventions if that is what serves one's highest good.  (Not just because "you're supposed to"!)  At Burning Man, and its associated regional events and gatherings, I have learned to play. I mean really play.  Such an awesome antidote for my overly serious nature. 

I am very grateful to my new friend Lulie.  I met Lulie through the BM community.  She and I have this wonderful arrangement:  I am providing her with personal/cardio training; and she is custom creating for me, one gorgeous, funky, beautiful playa coat. (Burning Man is held in the high desert; and it gets veeery cold at night!)  These coats are entirely outrageous, beautiful, vegan (fake fur only!), and very very warm. They're also designed to completely enliven one's inner child. Hers looks like Cookie Monster! They are SO COOL! (Warm, that is!)  Now, here's a little secret: Driving up to hang out with Lulie, and provide a workout for her gradually strengthening heart and body, does not feel like work to me.  I get a workout out of it too.  And I love watching her newfound (or rediscovered) enthusiasm for working out, her willingness to try new things, and the athletic fire and desire that is so familiar to me, sweeping through her.  Plus the "girl talk" is priceless.  So I am very grateful to Lulie for proposing this very mutually beneficial exchange, and for being such an awesome person and cool friend.

I am grateful to my father.  Funny thing: I've been resisting this one for a while.  Not wanting to relax and let the gratitude flow, for all that he's given me over the years. Then the other night, I asked myself: Why do I have a wall there? Why do I not want to feel gratitude towards my father?  My inner mind answered me (in feelings rather than language):  Because I've always wanted a more emotionally demonstrative and connected relationship with him than he seems capable of engaging in. I've felt that I would give all the material stuff away in an instant, in order to have a more genuine connection with him. My mom's theory is that my dad, being a doctor, had to shut down a lot of his emotional responses in order to survive: trauma, patients dying, etc.  So now he's very logical, straight-forward, effective, worldly--and not very emotional.  Some of that's the male-female thing, perhaps. Some of it is that he takes after his mother. My grandmother is the original, no-nonsense, go-to, get-it-done person. She's been the backbone of her family and many others, over her 80+ years.  In any case, that's him; and as I write, I suspect that part of the fault lies with me, for not being more centered in myself and attuned to his subtleties.  Being very logical and success-oriented, he's been in a position to assist me financially more than once over the years. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have been able to afford this beautiful house I'm at this moment sitting in. Nor would I have met my amazing housemates, or many others I've met because my life path changed, headed with his help towards this house.  I am grateful for this house, its comforts, and all that it's brought to my life.  For that reason, I try to share it, and said comforts, as often as possible.

I am grateful to my mother. Oh, she's put me through hell over the years: with her alcoholism (now in remission some 25 years); and her depression and anxiety disorders which rendered her very dysfunctional for a very long time.  But now that she is finally getting treatment for these issues, she's pretty much back to her old self. And of all the people in my family, she's the one who "gets" me the most.  For the first time in years, I'm able to have a very genuine relationship with her.  And she is in the middle of taking tremendous (for her) steps to improve her own life and general situation, which is bringing us even closer.  In any case, it feels really really good to have at least one person in my family who genuinely "gets" me.  That's a priceless refuge and a huge relief after years of feeling that I was "going it alone". 

All right. I might add to this later.  In fact, I probably will.  Stay tuned...

This winter has been unseasonably cold for Southern California. 

I mean, just ridiculously so.

It's even worse when it comes to us cold wimps.  I am an A#1 cold wimp.  Me and cold have never gotten along, for as long as I can remember. I'm sure being a native Californian didn't help, but I just never did develop that "thick blood" that protects you through winter. 

Then along came the coffee addiction, which seemed to worsen the problem. Coffee promotes adrenal exhaustion, which has a whole host of undesirable symptoms.  Poor athletic performance.  Poor concentration and "brain fog". Black circles under eyes. Waking up exhausted.  That awful little roll around my waist that I haven't been able to get rid of.  And it definitely worsens cold sensitivity.

So every time I go out running in the cold, I wake up the next morning with some mild cold symptoms. Which usually go away after a day or two, but in the meantime they hold me back: my energy is low, my concentration is low, and I can't work out.

I think I'm pretty much rid of them now, after two days of laying low. And eating. My God, this weird little syndrome I get, really makes me overeat. Magically, my stomach has room for way more food.  Which of course worries me because it contributes to the roll around my waist that I just love to hate.

Still, there's hope. I gave up coffee a week ago. I'm substituting green tea, which seems to work really well. My digestion has already improved tremendously.  I'm waking up much less tired. 

And I just need to quit running in the cold.  Summer is coming soon.